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How to Not Hate Your Husband After Kids

Updated: Jul 6, 2021

Welcome to the Marriage and Martinis’ Friday Five!

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We appreciate it so much.

5) Hostage Negotiators and Boot Camp Marriage Therapy

This week’s episode was such a delight to record (yes, I said delight, I’m turning into my mother). It’s so obvious why Jancee is such a successful writer, and she speaks with the same relatability in which she writes. Her experience feeling a complete imbalance in parenting between her and her husband after the birth of their child is so incredibly common. The fact that she did so much of the work for us and experimented with different tactics to work on this issue is so awesome. A few really helpful strategies to use:

Ask for what you want. - Yes, this seems obvious, but so many times we assume our spouse should just know what we need in terms of help, so out of principle (or spite) we don’t ask. But we need to!

Paraphrasing. - Have your partner paraphrase your needs back to in order to reinforce it. This way you know they heard you and it will help lock it in their mind (so they can’t say you never them….we all know that trick).

“Can I lend a hand?” - As Jancee says, if her husband says this, she’s “wearing breakaway clothing.” If your spouse doesn’t know in what way they can be a help, then they can always say the million dollar phrase, “Can I lend a hand?”

4) Resources to ease “The Mental Load”

We promise to have more experts and guests on to discuss this important topic, which has turned into an ongoing theme on the podcast. In the meantime, here are some awesome resources to get started working on the issue:

Marriage and Martinis Episodes on "The Mental Load:"

3) Speaking of “The Mental Load….”

This coming Monday’s episode about “Discipline and Punishment” was a really tough one to record. Besides the fact that it’s a sensitive topic for a lot of people, it has been very high on my current list of stresses as a parent, having one kid in high school, one in middle, and one in elementary. This might currently be the greatest source of contention between Adam and me, and since our first major discussion about it was in front of microphones, things definitely get a little (ok, maybe a lot) heated. However, from the polls I recently put out on instagram, I am definitely not alone in feeling like there’s an imbalance in this aspect of parenting. Definitely tune in Monday for a very entertaining, hopefully relatable, and always super-real episode.

2) Favorite Memes of the Week:

1) Date Night Questions (from this coming Monday’s episode: Discipline and Punishment) NOTE: If this is a sensitive subject for you or your partner, you may want to have this conversation in a more private date night setting.

  1. How would you describe the discipline style in your household growing up?

  2. What was discipline like for you throughout school? Any stories?

  3. How do you think discipline has changed over time compared to when you were growing up, both in homes and schools?

  4. If you have kids, how would you describe your discipline style? How would you describe your partner’s discipline style?

  5. Do you work as a team? If not, what is something you could do to feel more balanced in the aspect of discipline in parenting?

  6. Discipline in the bedroom:

  • Being told you're naughty - Yes or No?

  • Light BDSM - Yes or no?

  • Spanking in the bedroom - Yes or no?

For more prompts and questions for open and honest communication, plus bonding challenges and strategies for discussion, get our Date Night Questions Experience ebook.

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