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Not All Self-Care Looks the Same

Updated: Jul 6, 2021

Welcome to the Marriage and Martinis’ Friday Five!

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5) It’s Ok If Your "Self-Care" Looks Different

Last week’s episode delved into some debate about what self-care really is. I argued that it’s basically whatever we need to do in the moment to get through an otherwise uneasy time. After my kids were born, my form of self-care was definitely “unconventional” by some standards, but in that moment, it was what I needed (note the word “self”). Some other decisions I made on behalf of "self-care" were bottle feeling so I could get the sleep I knew I personally needed as a new mom with major anxiety, and following a more relaxed timeline to rid of their pacifiers and other objects that soothed them. Sometimes a girl’s just gotta do what a girl’s gotta do, and this girl just wasn’t ready to fight those battles as early as “experts” recommended. For more about our atypical forms of self-care and thoughts on “wellness culture,” make sure to listen to last week’s episode, Self Care, Welless, and Other Confusion.

4) We Feel Really Old Now….Like, Really Old

This coming Monday's episode is with up-and-coming reality star and stand-up comedian Hannah Berner. Adam and I had a blast talking all things, ``millennial dating” with her, and we learned TMI about the world of Tinder, Hinge, and other dating apps. As a 42-year-old mom, I feel really removed from what life is like for someone in her twenties just figuring herself out while trying to make it in a career and attempting to find a partner in life. I wanted to better understand that experience. Even we were shocked by some of her “hook-up” stories (warning: they are not for the more timid listening ears). Check her out on Bravo’s Summer house, and look for Marriage and Martinis on her podcast Berning In Hell next week as well. Monday’s entertaining episode will actually make you feel relieved not to be twenty and dating (and if you are, bless you!!).

3) Black History Month - Truthtellers

I struggle so much with how to best celebrate important times like Black History Month, and I know I very much fall short of doing nearly enough. I am working on this, and my goal for 2021 is to ensure the entire month is more focused on it through the podcast and all of our platforms. In the meantime, I thought I would highlight some of my recent favorite works and platforms of vulnerable, honest, black storytellers who are paving the way for everyone to proudly share truth, struggle and triumph.

If you haven’t seen the Oscar-Winning short film, this six-minute story packs an emotional punch and explores the journey of an African-American father doing his daughter’s hair for the first time. It’s so beautiful and meaningful. I had all three of my kids watch it and we all loved it.

I highly recommend the audio version of this coming-of-age memoir about growing up in South Africa during Apartheid. Trevor Noah narrating in the voices of his mother and grandmother, and speaking their African dialect is absolutely incredible. I loved it so much that I actually listened again with Adam on a recent long car ride.


@blackvoices - Huffington Post, “amplifying the black experience one story at a time.”

@theconsciouskid - Parenting and Education through the critical race lens.

@lizzabeeating - All uplifting, all the time.

2) Favorite Memes of the Week:

1) “Date Night Questions” From Last Week’s Episode (#106) Self-Care, Wellness, and Other Confusion.

  • In your opinion, what’s the difference between self-care and wellness? Has “wellness” gotten over the top in today’s society? How so?

  • What is something you do for self-care that might not be deemed “self-care” by most doctors and/or therapists?

  • Do you think self-care has to be healthy? Why or why not?

  • Was there ever a “wellness-related” product you tried that turned out to be a sham? What was it?

  • Have you ever had an experience with an “MLM” company, either as a seller or buyer? How was it?

  • Is self-pleasure an important part of your self-care routine?

  • Would you try/buy any of the following:

For more prompts and questions for open and honest communication, plus bonding challenges and strategies for discussion, get our Date Night Questions Experience ebook.

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