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Becoming 5% Braver in the Bedroom

Updated: Jul 6, 2021

Welcome to the Marriage and Martinis’ Friday Five!

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We appreciate it so much.

5) “Literotica” and Other Things Worth Knowing About.

Adam and I ALWAYS love having Leah on to talk about all our latest sex questions. On last Monday’s episode she gave us so many great ideas for getting 5% braver. It’s important to point out that Adam and I do not receive any money from this, we just really love Leah and think she is such a gentle, accepting, and knowledgeable person and trust her immensely. We are hoping that we can provide some ways for us all to get more of what we want in and our of the bedroom. Here are some links to stuff we discussed:

4) In our holiday episode I discussed that we are not doing nightly gifts for Hanukkah this year. That means that I needed to come up with some fun alternatives to keep my kids’ occupied so they don’t think too much about what they’re missing. Here are a few ideas to do in lieu of gifts or just for fun in addition to presents:

  • The Great Holiday Bake Off: Divide the family into two teams with a plain cake or cookies. Have each member of the family write down three possible holiday-related themes on separate pieces of paper and put them each into bowl or hat. Have someone choose one of the papers and that will be the theme for decorating the cake or cookies. Have paper and pencils available for planning, and then of course lots of decorating options for the cake. At the end, have a judge (or don’t) and enjoy eating the treats together. 

  • Gratitude Chain: Throughout the month, keep a jar of pieces of construction paper in a jar somewhere accessible (the kitchen island, maybe), and markers. Everytime something happens in which someone in the family is grateful or proud, they write it down on a slip of paper, sign their name and put the date, and add it as a link on the gratitude chain. By New Year’s it should be long enough to display as decoration, and then you can put it away and take it out to add to next holiday season.

  • Tree of Hope: Either on your Christmas tree, a chalkboard tree, or some other decorative tree (I’m only so imaginative….work with me), cut out leaf-shaped papers. On one side, put a charity your kids might be interested in donating to and a description of what this charity does. On the other side, write “I feel” and leave room. Let each child pick a leaf (you can, too), and they get to donate a certain amount of money to that charity. Go online and donate together. After, have them fill out the side of the leaf describing how it felt to do this. They can then decorate the leaf, sign it, and put it back on the tree.

3) Our “Soft-Landing” Girl Is Back (and we love her so much)!

Last February, when Marriage and Martinis was still somewhat new and just starting to feel secure enough to get really vulnerable, we had the privilege of Jodie Utter coming on as a guest to talk about her experience dealing with her husband’s infidelity. For anyone who has dealt with any kind of betrayal, that is a must-listen-to-episode! Our listeners have been begging for months to hear from Jodie again, and Adam and I sat down the other night and caught up with her. I could seriously talk to her for hours, and she makes me feel so safe, like I can say anything to her and not be judged (and I do say too much, as usual). We asked her how it’s been trusting again, how her kids have handled everything, and where she and her husband currently are in their relationship. Plus, is “forgiveness” ever really possible? Make sure you’re subscribed to the podcast to hear this amazing episode on Monday, December 9th.

2) Favorite Memes From The Week….

1) Date Night Questions

(from last Monday’s episode, “Sexual Resolutions and Becoming 5% Braver With Leah Carey).” These are supposed to be answered by both partners while the other listens without judgment (trust me, we know how hard this is). If you are too uncomfortable to reveal your answers face to face, you can bring a notebook and write them down to give to one another. ** No married couples were injured in the writing of these questions.

  • What are your current feelings about your sex life? What is one thing you think you’re doing really well concerning intimacy in your relationship? What is one thing you would like to change or do more of?

  • Leah discusses that sexual awareness and bravery can be done in increments. What is one thing you think you can start doing to become 5% braver concerning your sex life? (some examples include more physical touch throughout the day, whispering in each other’s ear at random moments, making out during commercials while watching a show or movie, etc.) Get creative!

  • One fantasy you have never revealed to your partner (NO JUDGING!!):

  • What is your favorite spot on your body to be touched by your partner? What is one place you would like to be touched more?

  • Three words I would use to describe myself as a sexual being are:

  • Three words I would love to be able to (in case you’re not there yet) use to describe my sexual self are:

Fill in the blanks for these questions:

  • I feel turned on when ____________.

  • One place I would love to have sex that I never have before is __________.

  • I feel most sexy/sexual when ____________.

  • The sexiest movie I’ve ever seen is ____________.

  • Something I would like to eventually try sexually but am currently too scared or inhibited is:

For more prompts and questions for open and honest communication, plus bonding challenges and strategies for discussion, get our Date Night Questions Experience ebook.

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