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Keeping Friendships Healthy

Updated: Jul 6, 2021

Welcome to the Marriage and Martinis’ Friday Five!

5) Traveling ALONE can be magic.

I know this sounds crazy, but I hadn’t been on a plane ALONE since I was a teenager. I almost couldn’t believe it myself until I really sat down to think about it last week before leaving on my solo trip to Atlanta. Four nights in a hotel room alone, wandering through an unfamiliar city alone, and just having time to reflect, unwind, and walk into rooms where I knew absolutely no one was something I hadn’t even considered would be so necessary for me to gain a confidence I think I had lost all these years. For some women who travel for work all the time, this might not seem to be so impactful, but honestly, if there are some of you out there who may not have done this since becoming a parent, I cannot recommend it enough. I came back feeling like I could fully do new things that had become uncomfortable for me simply because I hadn’t experienced them in so long.

4) “The Mental Load” Issue Is Really Catching On….

If you haven’t listened to our wildly popular episode on The Mental Load,” with life coach Amy (i.e. my fabulous sister), and the household division of labor is something you struggle with in your relationship, then definitely go download it and even listen with your spouse. We also had author Darcy Lockman on discussing her book, All The Rage, in which she told us that the research shows that the natural divide of household responsibility is 65/35 (women/men). Recently, there have been a whole bunch of new articles and books out discussing and exploring the topic. Reese Witherspoon’s latest book club book, Fairplay, is all about this. It’s a subject we will definitely be exploring more in the future, and we think it’s awesome that so many other platforms are highlighting this struggle that takes place within so many relationships.

3) Friendship Is a Vital Part of Our Wellness.

Our episode with friendship expert Miriam Kirmayer from this week gives so much awesome information about adult and kid friendships. A few of my favorite takeaways from the episode were:

  • Friendships are so important because they are the relationships in our life that are voluntary. People stick around us and vice versa, not because they have to, but because they want to, and that’s such a unique and necessary feeling.

  • Having good friendships outside your romantic relationships actually take stress off of your partner, oftentimes leading to a healthier union.

  • Signs of a toxic friendship: inconsistency in how they treat you (treating you differently in a group vs. when you're alone), not showing up consistently for you, not reciprocating the effort you're putting into the relationship. Miriam points out that contrary to our belief, friendships don’t usually actually end because they were “toxic,” but rather just because people naturally do grow apart.

  • Despite what we think, studies show that only 50% of friendships are actually completely reciprocal, even if we think they are.

2) Favorite Memes From The Week….

1) Date Night Questions (from this coming Monday’s episode, “I’m A Horrible Housewife and Other Revelations About Adulthood.”

  • What do you wish someone had told you about adulthood when you were younger about which you had absolutely no idea or preparation?

  • If you have (or had) a career outside the home, what has been the most shocking thing about it that you never expected? If you work at home or are a stay-at-home-parent, what has been the most shocking thing about this?

  • If you have kids, what is one thing you would like to prepare them for concerning adulthood that they aren’t learning in school? Have you started implementing ways to do this? If not, what are some ways you could start implementing these lessons more?

  • If I was on the school curriculum board, I would add this class for students:

  • Take turns finishing this sentence: “You know you’re officially an adult when…..”

For more prompts and questions for open and honest communication, plus bonding challenges and strategies for discussion, get our Date Night Questions Experience ebook.

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