Updated: Jul 6, 2021
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5. Our Upcoming Series On Infertility, Pregnancy Loss, and Grief
Over the next few months we’ll have around four episodes covering these topics with some of the most amazing doctors and experts in those fields. Adam and I will also discuss our own experience with miscarriage and my complicated pregnancies. Even if you have never experienced infertility, miscarriage, or pregnancy complications, I still highly recommend listening, as one of the main focuses of the series will be about how we can best support those in our lives who might be suffering from any of these difficult circumstances. Also, I highly recommend listening with your partner, and sending the episode(s) to someone who might be going through the grieving process. This Monday will be the first episode, with Dr. Loree Johnson, who will answer all Adam, my, and your questions about miscarriage and grief after loss.
4. Ways To Support A Partner Who Is Grieving
Let them know their feelings are valid, no matter what those feelings are. There is no “right way” to grieve, and everyone experiences it differently. Providing a safe space for someone who doesn’t show grief by crying is just as important as giving someone a shoulder on which to ball their eyes out.
Ask them what they need, and do not take the answer personally. If they say they need some space and time alone, this most likely has absolutely nothing to do with you.
Take the initiative to complete tasks for them as a means to allow them more time to rest and grieve. Hire someone to clean the house, get takeout every night for a week, or whatever will take any focus off added stress.
Avoid cliches. Rather than, “everything happens for a reason,” reiterate how valid whatever they’re feeling is, and remind them that they are not alone.
Don’t be their “grief stopwatch.” There is no time limit to a period of loss and mourning. Rather than saying, “it’s time you move on,” start small, with, “how about we take a walk,” or “why don’t you join me at the coffee shop today,” so they feel supported and understood while they head back out into the world and face everyday life.
3. People Have Some Feelings About Bike Riding….
I’m not a big fan of personal Facebook. I go on sometimes to update family members whom I don’t get to talk with often, or if I need to know something local, I head to our community page and ask my question. This past week I asked for the number of a woman who helps teach kids how to ride a bike. I am feeling really overwhelmed right now, and I am not good at teaching my kids this skill. I was shocked at how much “shame” I received about not teaching my own child how to ride a bike (mind you, I’ve taught him around 1,000 other things from which he will greatly benefit). It took about six hours of the post being up for me to finally get the name of someone who could help me. The rest of the thread was either stories about why I should teach my son myself (or Adam should), or instructions for how to teach him. I understand that for the most part, people’s intentions were not bad (except the guy who laughed at my question and proceeded to tag all his friends so they could laugh, too), but the point is, asking for help is already so hard. Let’s resist the urge to give unsolicited feedback or advice. Even if our intentions are to be helpful, it can be hurtful. I went in being brave and asking for help and trusting my gut, and I left feeling depleted and disheartened. Let’s support those asking for help, and stick with the answer they are seeking, without judgment. Otherwise, let’s just keep scrolling on by.
2) This Weeks Memes
1) DATE NIGHT QUESTIONS:
Loss and Grief (Corresponding to this upcoming Monday’s episode, Pregnancy Loss, with Dr. Loree Johnson)
1. What is a loss in your life that changed you? (it can be the loss of a person, pet, job, friendship, etc.) How did it change the way you look at life and value things?
2. Have you ever truly supported someone going through a loss? What was this like? What did you learn?
3. What have you learned from people in your life that have experienced loss? Has spirituality or religion affected how you view loss? If so, how?
4. Is there a story, book, person, podcast, movie, memory, etc. that has affected how you view loss and grief? What about it impacted you?
5. Has age and time made you view and deal with loss and grief differently? How so?
For more prompts and questions for open and honest communication, plus bonding challenges and strategies for discussion, get our Date Night Questions Experience ebook.